On to the next.

Well, I have been back 5 days. Martin has just been ignoring my texts. …

I sent a message asking what was going on in his head and why he was so distant the last couple of days that we were together. He replied the next day by saying “Everything was fine until I read this message…” He sent that along with a link to a meme – Titled: The Man’s Diary vs The Women’s Diary. It was basically making fun of me and saying I was over reacting … I responded hours later by saying I wasn’t asking for his undivided attention, I just simply noticed a change. All I wanted to do was see where his head was at. It has been a whole day and I never got a response from him.

So, I guess that’s it! I was the only one that every reached out to him in the first place and now I have deleted my FB account… so I seriously doubt I will hear from him any time soon.  Why, did I delete my FB account you ask? Well, the pictures I posted raised a lot of eyebrows to friends and family. Some people didn’t even know that I was not with my ex husband anymore! This was the fist picture I have posted with another man since I was with my husband.  To say the least … it was a bad decision.  I will touch more on this later.

Now, I know this must sound dramatic as hell but this has been pretty weird for me. I never went to San Francisco thinking that we would fall in love and start up a relationship… but I would like to be able to carry on a conversation with him now that we are back.  The only thing he has sent me are one word replies … The reality of it was that we didn’t know each other at all.  We spent one steamy night together and fell into lust for a moment. Suddenly we were together for 6 days straight and I think that he didn’t really like me beyond my looks. I am smart but not the type to watch the news and read a lot of books or news articles….well,  anything for that matter.  He on the other hand is a damn teacher! He looks up and researches everything.  Our conversations were not always empty but I think he honestly wanted more context or opinions from my side.  If that was not the issue maybe my snoring at night was so unattractive he completely lost interest in me. ( He mentioned I sounded like a grizzle bear and it kept him up at night) Sooooooo yeah.  I took a chance on spending a random, once in a life time vacation with someone I barely knew and it backfired on me … in so many ways.

Coming back home meant coming back to reality and all the people in it.  A week before I left for San Francisco I FINALLY was asked out on a date by a man that I have been flirting with for about 2 years. I initially saw him at my local YMCA years ago and was just floored on how incredibly gorgeous this man was. Then about a year later I was working at a tanning salon and he was a customer there. I was able to introduce myself and found out his name Bruce and was seeing someone, I was married so it didn’t really matter anyway.  Now, recently I have been seeing him in the new gym… the attraction and the flirting was beyond words obvious. Then one day he ran into me and asked me for my number. We went on a date a few days later and hit it off really well. Within a couple of days he even introduced me to one of his kids! I liked him and have liked him since the moment I saw him, but I wasn’t sure of his intentions. Normally I would assume that if a man introduces me to his kids then he wants to get serious. Unfortunately for me however, I have had a man introduce me to his kids before and still went MIA within a couple of dates.  I just didn’t trust him yet, and didn’t really know how to explain to him or anyone else for that matter, my plans and the circumstances surrounding my vacation. I did tell him, as well as everyone else, that I was going on a business trip to San Francisco. I fucked things up when I posted photos. Bruce didn’t have a FB. I blocked a few people from seeing the pictures but I forgot to block his son’s best friend’s parents… who I am related to.  Well… while I was gone Bruce was questioning his son’s friend about me, and found out I was posting photos with another man on my vacation.  Given, I have only known Bruce a week, and we had only seen each other about 3 times by the time I left for my vacation, I still saw more potential in being in a relationship with him then I did with Martin. So the simple fact that he had to learn about  Martin from his 17 year old son, made me look like a player in his eyes.  He approached the subject very calmly and has been pretty understanding.  He just has major trust issues and this sent up tons of red flags. I am scared that I have ruined this relationship before it started….

Needless to say I am done with Face Book for awhile. Bruce and I had a conversation concerning things that have caused issues in our past relationships… Facebook was a common denominator. I decided to deactivate FB along with all my other social media in hopes that might prove how much I wanted to try and work something out with him. He said that he really appreciated me doing that and it was a big step.  So hopefully this will lead to something good! I always seem to be so hopeful and excited but terrified and septic all the time.  I’ve also decided to wait to have sex with him too… I have given in way too quickly with guys in the past and they never lead to anything … I am doing things differently this time.